The Married Men Mayhem

What IS it with married men? Really are there no single 30-somethings anymore? And why are all married men so effing desperate to get into the pants of an almost-30! If they fancy the excitement, shouldn't they be stalking younger, gullible women?

The strangest things I've heard from married men, and my retorts. I admit, most of them added here, are in hindsight!

Mr. "Jump Right Into Bed" Married Man: My wife's gone to her mother's house!
Maya: Is she so embarrassed that she can't take you there?

Mr. "Testing Various Grounds" Married Man: Are you feeling lonely?
Maya: No, it's entertaining to see you get rejected by women every few minutes.

Mr. "I'm Too Sexy For My Pants" Married Man: My wife says I'm great in bed!
Maya: Oh poor you! You believe her, don't you?

Mr. "Sexy Talk" Married Man: I like the colour of your lingerie.
Maya: Do you want me to pack it in a plastic bag and give it to you to take home?

Mr. "Horny Walk" Married Man: You could be a model for Playboy!
Maya: Yes, I know. And when I do, buy the mag and get off on it.

Mr. "Crass, No Class" Married Man: I get really aroused when I see nudes of Angelina Jolie.
Maya: Funny, that's what your wife said to me a few minutes ago!

Mr. "Oh Poor Me" Married Man: It's tough being in a long-distance marriage. My wife lives in Delhi, I live here.
Maya: Yea, but that's the only way she can actually stand you!

Mr. "Gets Corny When Horny" Married Man: You're the most beautiful woman in the room tonight.
Maya: Shit! I owe your wife a 1000 bucks now, why DID you have to say that!

Mr. "Reads Linda Goodman" Married Man: They say opposites attract. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus!
Maya: May be that's why I'm repelled by you. I am just like you. I drool over pretty women!

Mr. "Takes the Cake" Married Man: My wife and I are like brother and sister.
Maya: Gosh, there's honesty, but telling me that you're a sister-f*&^er! Man!