Dear Diary,
There are some dates that are doomed to end before they start. You find that the guy is good-looking on the outside but a complete moron on the inside. So, in ascending order, recorded for all posterity, ten famous last lines:
#10
Mr. Man: So tell me, what are your hobbies?
Joey: Oh god, do you also have a scrapbook?
#9
Mr. Man: I have a dog called Pepsi. I think you'll love him.
Joey: Pepsi...can you get me one right now...(while I escape)
#8
Mr. Man: I've seen Zoolander twelve times. Have you seen it?
Joey: I thought you said you'd watched and liked it when you were twelve!
#7
Mr. Man: I want to know everything about you.
Joey: (runs away)
#6
Mr. Man: I love kids. Do you like kids?
Joey: Sometimes. When they're imaginary. Or unborn.
#5
Mr. Man: I heard it's a cute movie. Let's go together.
Joey: You just said "cute". Let's not.
#4
Mr. Man: I got this silver ring for you from Jaipur.
Joey: Frodo? Is that you?
#3
Mr. Man: So tell me, what do you think of me?
Joey: I don't. For when I try, I get a woolly, vacant feeling in my head.
#2
Mr. Man: I will find the chink in your armour.
Joey: I think I'm going to barf.
#1
Mr. Man: You have a lot of books. Hey, can I borrow this one?
Joey: Stop touching my books! STOP TOUCHING THEM. ARGH.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
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5 comments:
Oh my God!!! I am so familiar with all these with the rigorous groom hunting happening at home! And the first question "what are your hobbies???" aarrgghhhh there it comes again... ALWAYS THE WINNER!!!! hehehe...
But Laks, that's expected in the arranged marriage scene, but on a date??? Really????
It's perchance that I stumbled upon this blog. And I can't help it, with so much male-bashing in this blog, it makes sense to stand up for the guys. Don't jump all over me for being anon. If you want to find me, you just need to look over your shoulder. Not literally... moron!
First, your characters Joey and Maya are no divas. Joey is a guy's name... ever heard of Friends? Except in rare cases of highly misplaced gender sensibility it is not. From what I see here, they are just pouty, raucous, slightly better-than-average looking (and brained, which explains a lot) females, who have whiled away their girly days dreaming of Mel Gibson only to wake up in late spinster-hood that they are still single and with not lot many options to mingle.
So while you seem so clueless as to why you (or your alter egos M&J) can never have a date these days, here are a few pointers:
1. Introspect: The pimply faced no-good looking next door lass has two kids in tote and you are still thinking about dates. Think as to what she's got that you ain't got. And get rid of the myopic vision of a prince in shining armor waiting to sweep you off your feet. The prince already has his bele and rides away into the sunset. Which means you ain't it, princess!
2. Accept: You will be categorically ticking off all of above as incorrectly surmised about you. Denial is expected. If you are good at fooling yourself, there's no hope except prayer. So don't deny that you have a more than perfect expectation from the Mr. Man. News baby! Above-average is not perfect, and if you haven't hooked it right so far, it is time to rethink your expectations.
3. Speak: Yes, I will ask a gal what her hobbies are. But definitely this isn't my opening line. This is reserved for those pricey acting twerps for whom I'll be spending a significant hour or so of my life trying to communicate with. Opening your mouth doesn't mean you have to close out with a bj. Unless you are the most googled celebrity on earth, chances are I know nothing about you or your interests. And more often than not, I don't give a damn about them either. So try to be more forthcoming. A conversation is a partnership and you have to do your bit.
4. Listen: Unless you weigh a ton and are about to fall on me from the floor above, I don't really care if you have a few extra pounds around your love handles. So don't crib about the few extra grams you have put on since morning. Yet, even if that's all you can think of, then listen to what I have to say. I don't claim to know the perfect answer, but I am entitled to an opinion too.
5. Understand: When I am going to look at you, I might very well be undressing you in my mind. But that isn't all that I do all the time. I can think of other things too. So when you see me gazing at you, don't always assume you are losing your clothes. I could be imagining a Porsche of the same color as your top or thinking why you remind me of the divorced witch I am trying to forget.
So there you have it. Five small gems of wisdom from the other side. In closing, the world is fortunately not made up of you only. When faced with a Mr. Man who irritates you, see if you can still find five things that you can like about him. He probably did the same and hence is trying to connect with you. Concentrate on the five things and you will find your perspective will be a lot brighter than usual. And if you don't there's no loss either. It only goes on to prove the last line:
"The reason why men prefer turning gay is because the alternative is sleeping with you!"
Hey you took up all that space for comments on this one man! What's up with all the ranting boy? Listen chill out...there will be sweet things about the men that did make it with Joey, Maya and Noor. You stay calm ok? You'll scare us poor women! Take care...!
hehehe "always a winner".. means to say.. when u hear that u immediately know the answer to whether u wanna date him or not!
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