What IS it with married men? Really are there no single 30-somethings anymore? And why are all married men so effing desperate to get into the pants of an almost-30! If they fancy the excitement, shouldn't they be stalking younger, gullible women?
The strangest things I've heard from married men, and my retorts. I admit, most of them added here, are in hindsight!
Mr. "Jump Right Into Bed" Married Man: My wife's gone to her mother's house!
Maya: Is she so embarrassed that she can't take you there?
Mr. "Testing Various Grounds" Married Man: Are you feeling lonely?
Maya: No, it's entertaining to see you get rejected by women every few minutes.
Mr. "I'm Too Sexy For My Pants" Married Man: My wife says I'm great in bed!
Maya: Oh poor you! You believe her, don't you?
Mr. "Sexy Talk" Married Man: I like the colour of your lingerie.
Maya: Do you want me to pack it in a plastic bag and give it to you to take home?
Mr. "Horny Walk" Married Man: You could be a model for Playboy!
Maya: Yes, I know. And when I do, buy the mag and get off on it.
Mr. "Crass, No Class" Married Man: I get really aroused when I see nudes of Angelina Jolie.
Maya: Funny, that's what your wife said to me a few minutes ago!
Mr. "Oh Poor Me" Married Man: It's tough being in a long-distance marriage. My wife lives in Delhi, I live here.
Maya: Yea, but that's the only way she can actually stand you!
Mr. "Gets Corny When Horny" Married Man: You're the most beautiful woman in the room tonight.
Maya: Shit! I owe your wife a 1000 bucks now, why DID you have to say that!
Mr. "Reads Linda Goodman" Married Man: They say opposites attract. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus!
Maya: May be that's why I'm repelled by you. I am just like you. I drool over pretty women!
Mr. "Takes the Cake" Married Man: My wife and I are like brother and sister.
Maya: Gosh, there's honesty, but telling me that you're a sister-f*&^er! Man!
Showing posts with label put-off. Show all posts
Showing posts with label put-off. Show all posts
Monday, October 26, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Maya: Don't Give Me Diet Tips
Maya met Ajay after a good 6 or 7 years. She had heard from the grapevine that he had recently gotten himself a divorce. He looked older, had put on some weight, he had retained his good dressing sense, but she could see a sure belly blossoming under his shirt. While she was sorry for him, she had no particular inclination of getting him to speak about it. And as the evening progressed, she realised she didn't want him to speak at all.
It was a party, a good party. The dry city is not so dry at personal parties, as we all know. Maya was in a good mood, two drinks down, life was always merry. She circulated and grooved to the music. Her enthusiasm was infectious. She saw Ajay watching her as she danced. Impulsively she gave her butt an extra wriggle and winked at him naughtily. Come on, two drinks down. It's allowed. Random play, old friend, it could have meant SOMETHING.
She sat down for a breather and spoke to a few hot ladies. Yes, some in their mid-thirties and didn't look a day older than 24 and they had 8-yr old daughters! And the topic drifted to Pilates and Yoga and diets. Maya's not fat, but of course she thinks she is! She is not paranoid, she was putting on weight, but a little dietary adjustment and workouts began to help her drop it, slowly, but surely.
And it was then that a male voice was heard. "You want to learn how to drop weight, mujhse pucho. I have lost two kgs in 1 month." The ladies turned. It was Ajay. Maya choked on her drink. But he went on, "Eat 1 khakhra in the morning with a glass of juice..." Maya walked off as she heard his voice trail off.
Nah, had he been worth anything, she'd have seen it long ago.
Moral of the story, my dear male friends: Don't give diet tips to women, unless you don't ever want to get into their pants or you really are best buddies, or you do look like Imran Khan (cricketer or the actor) or you're simply gay!
Maya danced the night in abandon. Yes, she abandoned even conversation with Ajay. He left the party soon after.
It was a party, a good party. The dry city is not so dry at personal parties, as we all know. Maya was in a good mood, two drinks down, life was always merry. She circulated and grooved to the music. Her enthusiasm was infectious. She saw Ajay watching her as she danced. Impulsively she gave her butt an extra wriggle and winked at him naughtily. Come on, two drinks down. It's allowed. Random play, old friend, it could have meant SOMETHING.
She sat down for a breather and spoke to a few hot ladies. Yes, some in their mid-thirties and didn't look a day older than 24 and they had 8-yr old daughters! And the topic drifted to Pilates and Yoga and diets. Maya's not fat, but of course she thinks she is! She is not paranoid, she was putting on weight, but a little dietary adjustment and workouts began to help her drop it, slowly, but surely.
And it was then that a male voice was heard. "You want to learn how to drop weight, mujhse pucho. I have lost two kgs in 1 month." The ladies turned. It was Ajay. Maya choked on her drink. But he went on, "Eat 1 khakhra in the morning with a glass of juice..." Maya walked off as she heard his voice trail off.
Nah, had he been worth anything, she'd have seen it long ago.
Moral of the story, my dear male friends: Don't give diet tips to women, unless you don't ever want to get into their pants or you really are best buddies, or you do look like Imran Khan (cricketer or the actor) or you're simply gay!
Maya danced the night in abandon. Yes, she abandoned even conversation with Ajay. He left the party soon after.
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